How the Industry Helped My Eating Disorder
In this community, I've found my place.
Oct 31 2017 22 comments 1,610 22
Most of my life I've been incredibly body conscious. My mother pushed me to stay slim from a very young age. For a long time it was really hard for me to feel good about myself since I've almost always been much bigger than her (she's 5' and never weighed over 100lbs even when pregnant). Like many Asian mothers, she shamed me for eating too much and being "chubby", so it was no surprise when I was diagnosed with anorexia at 16 with a BMI of 14.9.
During most of the time that I was sick, I was treated like a burden or like my issues weren't a big deal. Who could blame me for struggling to recover? At 18 I quit going to therapy sessions and moved out. I used Tumblr as an outlet and started posting naked photos to gain confidence.
When I officially became a content creator at 19 I was worried that it would be triggering for me. Many top cam girls and content creators are very slender and fit, so I often felt self-conscious next them. Their bodies were beautiful whereas my body felt heavy and scarred.
However, the more I observed, the more I realized that there were so many people sharing body positivity. People in this industry come in all shapes and sizes and each one of them belongs here regardless of appearance. There is more than one kind of beautiful, and the sex worker community helped me realize this. I am so proud to be part of this inclusive and wonderful community. I've never been conventionally attractive, but I've found a place here.
Although I still struggle with my mental health every day, I truly believe that because of this community I am better. Looking at me today you would likely never know that 2 years ago I was almost on my deathbed. I know that there are other people out there who are suffering like I was and I want them to know that there is hope.
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wow wow wow, i love this. As someone who has also suffered with an ED since the age of 14, I really appreciate this. & I agree, making adult content has really made me more okay in my skin.
*tears*
this is beautiful 💕 so proud of you, thanks for sharing!!
Thank God the majority that is behind you you just need to keep working on yourself you're a beautiful person and don't let no one tell you different
I worried about the same thing getting into this, but a platform like this really shows that everyone, every shape, every weight is beautiful. Im learning to love myself again thanks to this.
i love your reply and I'd like to add that I'd be very interested in loving you too
yesss i agree
I find it very therapeutic
Beautiful, thanks for being strong and for sharing your story 💋
Love this! I definitely have a very similar experience. You're beautiful and all the girls here are wonderful people.
Princess...you are so sweet. Just so you know you are just as hot and I'd kill to do you. Oh...do you know hypnotherapy?
well.not all of them
right Aspen?
Fantastic article Kitten! and I hope it gives a boost to those who may be going through similar experiences with low self esteem xx
Great for you dear! Xoxo
With curves like yours...its great for you. Do you know hypnotherapy?
Great words Melanie. Must have been a terrible time for you. But thankfully you pulled yourself through the darkness and are here not only to share your self with us but also your fascinating story. Thank you for sharing I know from experience it's not easy to talk openly about disorders, well done ❤❤
You are appreciated!!!!
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it's not easy opening up like this, though thank you for doing it!!