Being a single mom in college and just being a mom in general, I have faced a lot of moral roadblocks along my adult career. I imagine I'm not the only one facing this block from time to time which doesn't derive internally, but externally from what is considered to be "societal standards". I have been a moderately successful camgirl, MV Star, and professional Solo and Girl on Girl model for about a year now.  I'm not famous, but I've touched every aspect of the industry there is to touch except hardcore.  I've learned along the way that there are some things I'm not comfortable with and that's okay.  Having sex with a man on camera is one of the things that I'm personally uncomfortable with and haven't done yet, but that's okay.  Another thing I've learned since I've started college is that I'm much more of a feminist than I have been in high school before I entered the industry, and I take a lot out on my male classmates, expecting a lot more from them than a normal girl would because of everything I've learned, both good and bad, about men through this industry. I recently hired a therapist because since I've started college I have been less encouraged to get on cam and film personal content blocked by all kinds of moral dilemmas. For once I'm surrounded by people my age and I have realized how aware I have become compared to my mostly oblivious classmates. 

Being aware and understanding my sexuality isn't bad, but it made feel bad for being so far ahead in this knowledge than most of my classmates who are only beginning their understanding of both sex, men, women, and reality. Reality hit me early, I left home in my junior year and had a baby with my first everything in senior year. By everything, yes I mean that I gave him my virginity. I had my baby, but his father left six days after our baby was born. The father was only a year older than me with nothing established, and therefore, when I moved to another state and tried to pursue child support the father claimed homelessness and moved from couch to couch so that the state couldn't locate him to serve the child support order. I had no financial help and as a fault, I had too much pride to seek help from the state, so I got two full-time jobs which nearly killed me. Having these two full-time jobs still left me barely making ends meet, no time for college, and no time for my new baby. I graduated high school with national honors even through my pregnancy in senior year and I really really wanted to continue on to college despite being a new mom. My roommate suggested webcamming and then BAM! Here I am where for once I feel empowered as a woman, and where I have time for college and my baby without having to worry about my finances. Despite all these positives, I still have a moral block and that's where my therapist comes in.

I hired her recently, and I chose a female because I have a horrible time making female friends. I only make male friends easily because I'm cute and charming. For me, girls are another story because of my moral block. I feel ahead of the girls in my class sexually and as far as life goes. I'm the only person in all of my classes who is a mom, let alone a single mom, with enough money to put into stocks haha. I've cut back on camming and filming so that I might feel less of an outcast to society. What I do for a living by society standards is considered by stereotype and wild stigma, bad, easy, gross, and wrong, despite all the good that my job has done for me. I was nervous to meet my therapist, I thought she would think that I was a bad mom, easy woman, and a stupid girl who is probably into drugs or something. When I met her, she proved me wrong; my therapist did not judge me at all, and she did not assume that I was easy nor into any form of drugs or alcohol usage, and most of all she didn't see anything wrong with my occupation! 

She said that there are two things I can do:

1. Change my job

2. Change the way I think

The first option is why I'm in college in the first place. My personal goal is to eventually find a normal job so that my baby won't have to grow up affected by society's stigma with my way of living, but the first option isn't a reasonable current option. Going back to two full-time jobs would mean I would have to downsize my apartment, quit college, and go back to being extremely miserable. The fact she told me I could "change the way I think", surprised me because as I mentioned I originally thought she would disapprove of my job instead of encouraging it. I started to list ways I can go about changing the way I think to help me get past society's stigma and since it's helped me so far, I wanted to share it with you!

Changing The Way You Think:

1. List the Pros and Cons - Create a list of pros and cons of being in the industry.  If the pros outweigh the cons, find ways to turn the cons into pros.

2. Never Feel Pressured to do Something You Are Not Comfortable With - Not everyone in the industry is comfortable doing everything and that's okay. Never feel pressured to get out of your comfort zone until you want to. 

3. Have a Baby? So what? -  Are you mom? Then I bet you get this question a lot. "How do you feel about being a mom in the industry, aren't you worried about your child finding out?" The answer should be no. Sex is the reason why my baby or anybody is here in the first place, the stigma the society places upon sex is ridiculous. IF my baby's classmates find out and bullys my child for my occupation then the problem isn't what I do, or my child. The problem lies in the children's behavior to bully and judge in the first place. This concept applies to my fourth point as well.

4. They Don't Like What You Do? So What? - Okay so maybe your classmate, neighbors, parents or whoever may not like what you do, but they do like sex without a doubt. Sex is the reason they are even here in the first place and your role in fulfilling people's fantasies so that you can make a living is not harming anybody. You are only fulfilling a fantasy, spreading love and spreading pleasure. That is nothing to be ashamed of and if people give you hell for it, shame on them.

5. Finally, Just HAVE FUN WITH IT! - Start thinking about all the things you look forward to in your job whether it's the money, the conversation, the sex, just look forward to that. Stay away from put-down thoughts that you may get from one nasty customer or "troll" as I like to call them, and stay away from what society considers ethical or unethical.  Focus on what you believe because as long as that's not hurting anybody's individual rights or freedom, then nobody should be imposing on yours :)

I hope this helps anybody who might struggle with the same dilemma beneath the surface.

XOXO - Melody