There seems to be a lot of escapism in the cam industry, but perhaps I can only speak for myself. Some girls love camming and see it as a path to a better life. If working hard and doing what you love mirrors this industry then perhaps many girls found the stairway to heaven.
Escapism for me has been paired with a song.
I ran away in dreams so often Peter Pan became a delusional dream figure who I tried to bring across to the waking world.
I suffered from emotional abuse, and by emotional abuse, I don't mean my feelings got hurt because my father was not the kindest person. No, I lived under a regime. I wasn't allowed to watch Rugrats as a kid. I wasn't allowed to have friends who were of other ethnicities or religions, and I wasn't allowed to listen to MUSIC, other than a few cassettes of Mahaila Jackson, old English hymns (which I still know by heart.) and one Latin hymn which I only know, the song Panis Angelicus (bread of angels.)
I don't hate anything about those cassettes. I hate the fact that I couldn't listen to Fergalicious in 2007 without being in a world of trouble. Anything remotely sexual was deserving of the harshest punishments. Silent treatments for weeks. No food, no interaction, no drives to school.
The invisible bruises were never enough to convince people that I wanted to jump out of the moving car when he would reach behind himself while still behind the wheel to "spank" me at age 16. It wasn't until the physical violence worsened, that he was finally removed from my life. Figures.
At 16 what better way to decondition yourself from a life of brainwashing than to smoke copious amounts of marijuana and listen to the classics. Pink Floyd, The Doors, Led Zepellin, Bob Dylan, and all the stuff most people's dads had vinyl collections of. I went way back in time to make sure I didn't miss out on anything. Judy Garland, Billie Holiday, Johnny Cash. I can pretty much jam to songs that your grandpappy is too young for. Music revived my spirit which I thought was beaten down a long time ago.
I finally can appreciate vulgar rap songs, to beautiful ballads, and they both give me goosebumps and chills like an orgasm.
Melodies were my hero I wanted to become that energy. A MelodyHero.
Peace, Love, Unity, Respect. xoxo ~Mel.
Vids
I was skimming down the page and noticed emotional abuse
Yes is a issue in relation ship s or even with family do not forget the men
Not at all have I tried to be dismissing of the abuse of any demographic in this piece. I have acknowledge every day the abuse of men. My brother also went through the same internal “regime” of emotional abuse as I. However his is not my story to tell you or anyone-it is his. This is my story, my truth. I encourage you to also tell your own, for others will not do it justice.
Muah! xoxo
It sounds like you were able to get out of a pretty bad situation and make your way in life. I'm glad you're able to move on and find happiness! Sending you lots of hugs and good vibes
Thank you so much! xo
By Old English Hymns do you mean medieval/renaissance? Music from that time can be beautiful and transporting, but a "regime" would spoil that, as it will the beauty in anything. You've written beautifully about different genres of music and how they've healed and uplifted you. So, then, your name suits you beautifully.
Thank you! Well, hymns that come to mind are "In the Bleak Midwinter" and particularly "Jerusalem" (terribly nationalistic that one, lol I still like it though.) The rest might just have been Enya...kidding I don't think she was allowed to leave "The Snowman" VHS tape.
I'll go listen to those! By the way, that photo at the top of this page is superb! It reminds me of classic fashion mag poses (Edie Sedgwick vibe). Shapely foot . . .
Music is magic! You're story proves this once again xxx
Yes!
Dear thanks for sharing your story, I could not stop reading at any time. Hugs from Colombia
Sending love from Las Vegas xx thank you sweetheart!
Beautifully written. Please keep writing, this is excellent. I love Pink Floyd too, I have a Floyd bicep tattoo.
I have yet to get a Pink Floyd tattoo but I most definately will! Thank you I recently found my love of writing and all encouragement means so much!
Such a beautiful piece, i am glad you were finally able to express yourself and live the life you wanted and deserve
Thank you!! thank you.