3 Tips When An Ex Finds Your Profile

For some of us, it's a huge deal.

Feb 1 2018 24 comments 4,701

Be it an ex or just an old fling, someone from the past finding your adult profiles can be stressful to navigate. I recently experienced this and would like to share how I handled the situation.

I always look at the names of those that add my public Snapchat and one day I noticed a familiar name pop up on that list. At first, I didn’t think too much of it as both his first and last names are common. I figured it was just a weird coincidence. However, when I noticed a second familiar name add me and at the same moment my phone dinged with a message from the first guy, I panicked. I blocked him, deleted everything that was on my story, and changed it to the “only me” setting on top of that. My first thought was that my sex work accounts somehow mixed in with my personal accounts and it was stressing me out! I read the message and it said, “Hey Emma, feeling a little shy?” At this point, my heart is racing. This was my first time dealing with anything like this and I wanted to come off as calm as I could so I said, “I don’t mind that you know but how did you find me?” From there I found out they both followed a Snapchat account I had recently taken over.

Now I am totally fine with both following me and knowing in general, but getting to this point took getting over a lot of stress and anxiety. In my opinion, exes or past flings finding my adult profiles is a totally different experience than a family member or friend finding them would be. In my case, I had been in a somewhat awkward sexual relationship a few years ago with this person. Them finding me being so open with my sexuality and expressing interest in kinks that they might not have even known was uncomfortable and brought back some of the awkward memories of quiet, lights off, dorm room sexual experiences.

I have three tips for anyone that may find themselves in a similar situation:

  1. Do not make them think it’s a big deal. This is especially important if they have contact with family members or anybody else that you may not want to know about your sex work. Try to play it off like, “oh yeah, this is something I do now” rather than “oh no, this is a secret so please don’t tell anyone.” Depending on your current relationship with this person, they could feel like they have something they can hold over you which is never a good situation to be in.
  2. Do not give them free content. If they blatantly ask for free content let them know that is not something you’re comfortable with and maybe direct them to any current promo codes or sales you may be having. If they seem to be alluding to it or asking a lot about a video or service mention the price and where they can find it. Stand your ground and do not let them guilt you into feeling like you owe them anything. You might also want to prepare yourself for them to be another empty promise if they start talking about how they're going to buy this or that "when they get paid" or any similar statement we hear every day as sex workers. 
  3. Do ask how they found your profile. Again, don’t make this out to be a big deal. Try wording it like “I always like knowing how new people find my work, so how did you?” If you’re private about your sex work, this can help you find any privacy issues that may be happening. Knowing where they found you could help you tighten your security on certain accounts or decide what promotion tactics you want to continue using.

This is just a little insight on how I personally dealt with this situation. Situations like this will vary in significance to each of us depending on how open we are about what we do. For some, this wouldn’t be a big deal whatsoever and I applaud that! However, for some of us, this would be a nightmare. Hopefully, my tips can help if you ever find yourself experiencing the same thing. On the plus side, if this person is still into you and you’re comfortable with it they could become your biggest fan and supporter! 

Have you ever been in a similar situation? If so, what did you do? If no, how would you handle it? 

littleshyemma


Very helpful indeed 🙏🏼❤️

LockSlayda Mar 2020

Helpful tips, appreciate the info. thank you! 🙌🙏😇

ProDigiDom
ProDigiDom deleted Sep 2019

Wish there was a way to block particular cities instead of whole provinces. 😭

Thanks for this post. I have so many exes who have found my work. One wanted to sleep with me again which I said no, and the others shamed me for my content. They still stalk me on all social medias.

48Love Apr 2018

I have numerous friends in the adult world Emma & have wanted to get involved in protecting you guys as all of you deserve great things but know that many dangers lurk out there no matter what

Selina Kyl Feb 2018

wow so glad i'm not the only one who has stressed over this! a couple of exes have found my profiles and i played it off with oh yeah surprise i do this! and eventually they got bored and unfollowed me! I recently had a hookup person message me about liking my stuff and asking how they can support me which made me nervous so i've been thinking of how to respond but this is very helpful and now i know how to approach this!

My own brother found out and he called me(after years of not speaking to each other) and he tried to make me feel guilty, so he could blackmail me in the future, i showed him that i did not care, and he did not call me anymore after that.

Great article ^.^<3

3 of my exes found me on XVideos,  and I tottaly did that 3 steps, worked great for me too.

Ex or not. Mind ya biz. And I don't work for free. LOL

I had an active tinder with my real name and a stranger recognized me! I unmatched him on tinder but he bought a lot of videos. I haven't had anything else come of it

This has happened to me before. Good tips Emma.

When my ex did he tried hitting me up for free content. I was quick to tell him no, it doesn’t work like that. But he can certainly purchase it. I don’t know why they feel entitled to free content 😆

Juicy Jayci Feb 2018

This is where I'm at. By all means, tell your friends if ya'll gonna give me monies.:H

Thank you for being so open and honest about this, Emma. I hope you feel better than you did when this situation first arose.<3

Arikajira Feb 2018

Great write up Emma <3

Melody_Wylde
Melody_Wylde deleted Feb 2018

Not by an ex, but by people that know me and never reveal to me who they are.  I just block them.  I’ve had one post my phone number in free chat on cam, I changed my number and reported him.  I had one say my real name, but he was luckily invisible he said “Hey (my name here)” and I asked, who are you and he said “Does it matter, we’re just here to have fun right?”. Blocked him instantly.  Another one that recognized me for high school and I blocked.. yea it goes on and on

Ughhhhhhhhhh I hate when they do that. They don't realize how creepy they come off. I had one message me at work. -_-

awesome article! :)

i'm going to share this article with my sex work chat because someone was outed to a bunch of people recently and i feel like this would have been a great read ahead of time.

thechubbyprincess
thechubbyprincess deleted Feb 2018

Brilliant advice, thank you 💖

Anna Joyce Feb 2018

Unfortunately I was one who had a family member find me. I was live on Chaturbate and my cousin found me. I didnt have a clue he came in to my room, but eventually asked me for a pm. Through a series of messages I found out who it was and that he was actually enjoying watching me! I was creeped out! I kind of just started to ignore him, it was very uncomfortable! He came back in another day and my bf was there, but not on the cam at first, so he came in the room..I ended up blocking him and I just hope I don't see him anytime soon! Awkward! If an exes have found me, I am unaware of that, I don't know how I'd handle it though.. 
Great article, I think you did a great job in that situation!
Now..
What I could use some tips on, is how to make things a little easier in a current relationship when you're living this kind of life and the effects it can have! Oh myyy

Roxi Rose Feb 2018

Totally agree with your last comment!! I was reserved with telling my bf details at first but now it’s such a big part of my life that I share more with him. We high five when I reach goals I set for myself lol!

Octavia Rose
Octavia Rose deleted Feb 2018

Excellent post! Thanks for sharing your experience and advice ❤️

Lily Pink
Lily Pink deleted Feb 2018

This is great advice!

Cattie Feb 2018

This is another blog a lot of models definitely need. Thank you for sharing<3

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