Girl on girl porn can be really fucking hot.

Unfortunately, it can also contribute to the delegitimization of actual queer relationships between women. I hadn’t really thought about this aspect in depth until recently. For me as a queer person, I was interested in making hot videos that I would want to masturbate to or that my partners would want to masturbate to; I hadn’t thought about how my porn might impact my community.

I filmed a Valentine’s Day video with a friend of mine and fellow porn creator, Angel. We were promoting our video pretty hard and even had a few specials that included pictures of us together. This wasn’t any different than how Angel and I would promote any other content we had created.

What made this different was an anonymous message asking us how we could stand to be queer women delegitimizing queer relationships. The person who messaged us believed that since our video was filmed with a friends-that-fuck premise, we were undermining other, very real queer romantic relationships. They believed our video played into the fetishization of women who have sex with women by disregarding the idea that women can and do have romantic relationships with women.

Angel and I are friends that fool around in real life. We aren’t romantic partners and we don’t have romantic feelings for each other. Since this was the first video we were shooting together, we wanted to keep it as real as possible; that’s why we chose the friends-that-fuck vibe.

This anonymous message brought up a really interesting point, however: how do we create girl-on-girl or other queer porn which does not delegitimize, accidentally or on purpose, non-heterosexual relationships?

The answer: we have no fucking clue.

It is important, first, to recognize that queer relationships come in many different flavors. Queer friends with benefits relationships are valid. Queer long term, romantic and sexual relationships are valid. Romantic asexual relationships are valid. Queer identities are all valid.

Next, we understand the need to recognize that women having sex with women has been commodified and fetishized within straight communities. These are the cards we have been dealt. Is there a way to create queer porn that doesn’t play into this fetishization? Probably not.

Any porn we can make is going to be accessible by the very people who have chosen to fetishize queer relationships. I argue that portraying queerness as we live it is the best way to combat this fetishization.

For me, that means that there are pictures on my blog of me sleeping in the lap of my girlfriend. It means that there’s porn of me fucking my friend. It means there’s screenshots of silly conversations. It means there’s open conversation about the daily lived experiences of queer lives.

So make queer porn. Make all the queer porn! Make queer porn that is romantic and sweet! Make queer porn that portrays your brutal D/s dynamic! Make queer porn with your friends with benefits! Make queer porn with the love of your life! Make queer porn! The more queer porn we have, the more representations of queer sexuality we have, the more diverse and less fetishized our loves and our sexualities will be.

xoxo

sunnie