“Porn is made for the male gaze.”

I often see this as a reason to decry all porn, to class it as “bad” and to frame ethical porn as the better alternative.

Let’s get this straight–the only ethical porn is porn you pay for. Support our industry.

But saying porn is made for the male gaze is harmful to hear, as a content creator, and also completely untrue. It lumps the male gender all into one, with the same interests and the same desires, but have you looked at this site and all the diversity present on it? There is no one universal thing that appears to every single male ever, and if anyone has found it, please let me know this magical secret, thank you.

Porn being criticized as “made for the male gaze” typically has bright lighting, actresses with conventional beauty, and above all, moaning. The moaning of women is something I see most criticized by those who believe they’re mistakenly speaking from a place of enlightenment. I understand people saying that they don’t moan like that so it’s all fake, that the moaning is over the top and excessive, and ultimately, women are faking enjoyment during a scene so a male can get off.

I’ve had sex with a lot of people. They can all verify that some women are just that vocal. I’m one of them.

When I hear people criticizing a performer's vocal enjoyment of a scene, it comes across as shaming them. And shaming women for having sex is nothing new in our society, but I thought we’d moved past this from now on. Using moaning as a reason why porn is “male-gazey” and therefore, bad is just shaming women for having sex in a different way than you. It tells us that our sex is only okay if it’s done in a certain way, a way that people approve of, and that clearly we can’t be authentically enjoying ourselves during a shoot, that we’re only doing this to please the men who may buy it.

Bullshit.

When I create the vast majority of my vids, my thought process is as follows: I want to get off, I want to cum, maybe someone will like this enough to buy it and support me. Perhaps not. But I certainly don’t alter how I express enjoyment of my sexuality in hopes of appealing to this mysterious “male gaze.” I just want to have fun, and I know that some of you want to see that, so the camera goes on and I proceed to give myself a fucking amazing orgasm. Moaning included.

The other criticism is that the actresses have too big or too small tits, the butt is too big or too small, the way that their body has apparently been altered or framed to appeal to this “male gaze.” It’s people saying “their body isn’t good enough, their body is "too good," I don’t like it, so it’s bad.” Above all, this is body shaming. We shame actresses for expressing their sexuality, but on top of that, we shame the way they present themselves too. Some actresses rid themselves of hair–I’m not one of them–but because they’ve made a decision about their own body, suddenly it’s bad and only done to appeal to this male gaze. Some actresses choose to have plastic surgery done, and clearly, they’ve only done this to appeal to this male gaze. Some actresses wear makeup–once again, this is obviously only done to appeal to the “male gaze.”

Um, hello? Where did the idea of women having bodily autonomy go?

Porn being criticized as appealing to the “male gaze” is often masqueraded as a feminist standpoint, as people who call themselves “sex positive” patting themselves on the back for criticizing our industry–an industry they often have no part in. Since when is it feminist to shame women for their enjoyment of sex? Since when is it feminist to body-shame women?

In the vast majority of scenes, women are having sex, expressing themselves, showing their body because they want to. This is particularly true in independent porn, which makes up a large portion of this website. We don’t answer to anyone, we don’t sit there before each scene and go, “Oh no, how can I appeal to this male gaze today?”

We turn on a camera, film ourselves, and have a fucking ball doing it.

The other thing that annoys me about criticisms of porn being left at, “It’s just made for the male gaze,” is how inaccurate it is. It’s a sweeping generalization that captures all the adult content you personally don’t like. We’re all individuals, and particularly when it comes to erotic artforms, we have very different tastes from each other. What you may dislike and call “male-gazey,” another person finds fabulous and feminist. When you have a conversation about porn and decry it for being made for the male gaze, you’re speaking on assumptions and generalizations, and not everyone makes these same assumptions.

Next time you start criticizing porn for being “male-gazey,” take a step back. Figure out what you really don’t like. Are you not a fan of the body type of the actress? That’s cool, now you know what you don’t like and how to avoid it in the future. Are you not a fan of the vocalizations? Totally okay, now you have a better understanding of your personal turn-offs and can search around this in future.

By drilling down and figuring out exactly what you don’t like about a particular piece of work, you discover more about your personal turn-ons and turn-offs. This makes it easier to search in the future, this makes it easier to understand your sexuality and what gets you going. Ultimately, you’re able to curate your personal stash of porn and ensure it is tailor-made towards your tastes.

Simply decrying porn as “Oh well, this is made for the male gaze and therefore bad,” you’re missing out on a wonderful opportunity to do some self-reflection and figure out what you want in future. No porn is bad, it just may not be to your taste and that’s okay. But do some work and figure out why, figure out what you don’t like about it, rather than shaming the work and the performers in it.

Ultimately, you’ll have better orgasms, and gain a much more nuanced understanding of your own sexuality, as well as our industry.

Kristen Jade