You can't let anyone else know about this. Who would even believe you? Who would understand you in this state? This is our secret. Your secret is safe with me. You just like to spend. It's ok to like to pay. When you relinquish control, you're free to experience your true nature. You're not in control, you never were, and this entire farce is finally coming to an end. I know who you are but I'll never tell.