I don't have time to discuss the hundreds of reasons your girlfriend wants to break up with you. Instead, I'm going to highlight the main points: you suck in bed, you suck in life, and you suck at everything. Despite the constant verbal humiliation and ridicule, I do provide a solution for your heartache... SERVITUDE. You now have time to worship properly and fulfill your purpose. This break up is a blessing in disguise. Trust me.