Welcome to fat camp! I'm the director, Natasha. Now, I must let you know that this is *not* your typical fat camp. Here, we believe fat is beautiful. While you're in my program, gaining weight will be your highest goal. In order to come up with some realistic expectations, I'll need to assess your current state of fitness. What's your weight? Good. And now strip naked for me. Turn around. Bend over. Wonderful. 100 pounds. That's how much you'll be gaining over the course of this camp, and you won't be allowed to leave until you've reached that goal. I've come up with a 15,000 calorie diet for your daily feeding. Since you're the newest recruit, you'll be stuffing your face in front of everyone else, performing for a big audience. From now on, you'll respond only to "piggy" or "fatty." These words will keep you in the proper gainer mindset. You'll be weighed in several times a week, piggy, to ensure that you're making the proper progress. There's a lot more to cover, but I know you must be hungry. Are you hungry, fatty? That's a good piggy.