Stepbrother Calhoun couldn’t stop thinking about what happened on the stairs. In the nights that followed, he even dreamt about the way Stepbrother Strang pinned him down and fucked him. He was so confused and torn about how to feel. He couldn’t talk to anyone about it, resigning his concerns to the echo chamber of his mind. He felt guilty and angry that he was made to feel so powerless. He’d never once considered what it would be like to be with another guy, and now that it had happened, he didn’t know what that meant for his calling. missionarys are not supposed to think about having sex with men, let alone actually do it. And while the decision ultimately was not his, he knew on some level he wanted it. He did his best to ignore it and go about his life, but he felt something was different about him. And he didn’t know what that would mean. The first indication of this change came when Stepbrother Calhoun had been meeting with Elder Xanders and his companion. The three talked about their missionary work with members, and Calhoun gave them advice on how best to get member referrals.