You can buy pretty much anything in this capitalist world, even me. For the right price your wildest fantasies could become a reality. My price isn't static, though. See for every pathetic trait you possess, the price grows higher and higher. Tiny little dick? Up it goes. Disgustingly ugly? Up it goes. And so on and so forth. All of a sudden the price for you is out of reach. Too bad you weren't actually successful and thus rich enough to have what you desire the most. Then again, if you were, the price probably wouldn't be so high. Funny how that works. Isn't it sad how you'd have to bankrupt yourself for something real men get for free? Guess you're stuck jerking off alone forever. Don't worry, I wish you were someone better too.