You and I have been friends for a long time, good friends too, but I’ve always wanted more. Too bad you seem oblivious, totally ignorant to the fine specimen of femininity you have right in front of you. But I’d resolved to be patient and wait for you to finally realize the truth...until I saw the most recent change to your Facebook. A new relationship. And this “girlfriend” you’ve found yourself? Nowhere near as good as me. I have to do something—something that will make you repulsive to her and every other woman, but irresistible to me. I know just the thing. I invite you over to my house. I offer you some special water. By the end of the day, sweetheart, you’ll be all mine.