In my eyes, you have officially failed at being a man. In fact, you have never possessed any of the qualities that I feel would be valuable in a man. I allowed you to give it your best effort, but I'm done watching this pathetic charade. But never fear, I have a great idea for you. You see, your 'talents' lend themselves more to the services of an obedient pet. You know much I've always wanted a little puppy of my own. I thought you would be the perfect candidate. You can spend your days laying around, keeping me company, and occasionally entertaining me with some cute tricks. No more complicated, difficult human life for you.