Case #4268199 – December 20th, 7:36 PM. Suspect is a brunette woman over the age of thirty and is filed in the Must Implement Liberal Frisking, or MILF, category. She identifies herself as Krissy Lynn. She attempts to use her stature as an older woman to shirk responsibility for stealing batteries from the storefront. The Officer sees the tactic and disarms her with established interrogation techniques. A strip search ensues and produces a hidden toy and the stolen battery. After a negotiation, a resolution is reached. Evidence logged on December 20, 2019.