$$$$$$ TIPS $$$$$$ Bitchy - Roasting this guy's mediocre bod and penis. - Dick rating - Cock rating - Penis humiliation - I hate cumming on camera. Even just masturbating. Under the bright lights... it's so unnatural, and it always make me so self-conscious. It's so much easier to cum lying down, alone, no cameras, with little to no light or ambient light...or natural light if you absolutely must. But preferably privacy. I'm not naturally an exhibitionist. I'm a theatre kid and attention whore; that's different. Performing like a sex doll, sitting perched up on a chair, under the bright lights, is very bizarre to me and against my natural desires/comfort zone... I like being flirty and cute, but I don't think I'm "sexy." OMG YOU GUYS, THIS IS FUCKING CRAZY, YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO FREAK OUT WHEN YOU SEE THIS BIZARRE FOOTAGE OF ME... There's a part in this video (33:16) where I look possessed. I don't know what happened there? Maybe I was just hyper-focused on trying to cum? Or maybe I was nervous under the bright lights, it's hard to say what exactly "that" was. But it looks soooooo disturbing and scary to watch it back. You guys, I swear-- it scared me so much while editing/viewing in playback, that it made me want to rethink my whole life. I think it speaks to how this kind of work can feel like selling your soul. I didn't look right... I didn't look like myself. There is a darkness about this type of work. I feel like a puppet in a game, and I don't know how to make any of this feel healthy or normal... I need a mushroom trip soon. Things aren't going well for me in life. I need a "reset" button. Honestly, I need to fall back. Seeing myself like this on video scared me so much watching it to the point where I had to check my heart rate to make sure it was at a stable level. It scared me almost to the point where I want to *really* fall back and maybe even quit altogether. I don't know. I hope it was really as simple as, I was just concentrating **real hard.** The crazy eyes are fucking terrifying. I don’t recognize myself in that moment. Yikes...