Your southern mother is very concerned by how distant you’ve been and all the time you’ve spent away from home lately. Worried you’ve fallen into bad habits or the wrong crowd she snuck around in your room and found your trove of gay pornography and worrisome messages about lacking confidence to please a man. Don’t worry honey, Mama is here to give you some of that southern comfort you always love, this time in a whole new way. She only wants to help you be a proud, confident boy.