It’s a new year, which means thousands of people across the world have resolved to lose weight and get healthy. Are you one of them? You shouldn’t be. It’s just an exercise in futility—the only “exercise” you’re capable of, haha! Look at you. So fat you can hardly walk. I bet your knees hurt, your back, your ankles, all from carrying all that extra (extra, extra) weight around. Of course you should to go on a diet and get healthy. If you keep going like you have been, you’ll be immobile soon enough. You’ll be nothing but a pig that disgusts everyone around you. But you won’t get healthy, will you? It might be the new year, but you’ll always be the same fat-ass you always have been.