I'm sure you've noticed I've been posting lots of pics of me in tight, shiny pants on social media lately. In fact, you would rather stare at my profile than hang with your girlfriend. I can't possibly blame you. She has really let herself go and she NEVER wears sexy clothes. Even if she did, she wouldn't look good in them, which is why you're always crawling back to me. I am perfect and she is trash. If she wasn't around, you would have alot more time to worship. Therefore, you have a very important task in your midst; it's time to ditch the bitch FOR GOOD.