You are absolutely worthy of something special for having that tiny cocklette between your grotesque legs...and that's total dick demolition. I have picked a new common kitchen tool and special "lubricant" to take care of that measly few inches you like to call a "dick" of yours. It's an eyesore, utterly useless to men AND women, and of course therefore to you. I coach you through some painful memories you are guaranteed to never forget, and even let you reward yourself with a shopping spree after...how generous of me.