You’d never get to kiss me on the lips. If I let you kiss my ass it would become a treasured memory and highlight of your life. But I’m not even going to let you anywhere near that. Instead the closest you’ll get to that experience is kissing my ass when it’s on the screen. If you use your imagination hard enough you can trick your mind into believing you are actually kissing my ass and feel how amazing it is to touch part of my body. Then I’ll bring you back down to Earth and remind you what a dork you look like for kissing a screen.