Welcome to Dr Penelope's office. Make yourself comfortable. And what can I do for you today? You're worried about your sperm count? Mhmm? Because you jerk off so much that your thick creamy loads have become pitiful milky dribbles? Because you can't stop jerking off to porn? I see... Well, we definitely want to nip this in the bud before you reach the point where you cum and *pfff* nothing but air comes out. What I need from you is a sperm sample. Don't worry, I'll provide you with some of that porn that you love so much. But... if your sperm count is as low as I think it might be (and I'm certain it will be), then I can tell you now that you are useless. Even if you managed to find a woman to fuck, she'd have a better chance of getting pregnant using mayo as dildo lube. You're infertile. Ill-equipped. Firing blanks. Pathetic. And you only have yourself to blame, don't you? How does that make you feel? Knowing that your only option now is to spend the rest of your existence jerking