Consider this an intervention. You’re on a dangerous path. All the jerking off you do, all the time you spend with your tiny pencil dick in your hand? Well, that’s just an invitation for depression, isn’t it? It’s amazing you haven’t already succumbed to the misery and sheer humiliation that pathetic little nub must cause you. So from here on out: no more jerking off. Not even a little. In fact, you’re not going to touch your dick at all. As far as you—and everyone else—are concerned, from now on you don’t have a dick at all. Got it? Good. Now let’s practice, just to be sure you truly understand.