I've been telling my therapist about these "fantasies" that I have been having for some time now. They told me to start a video journal so that I have a place to release my thoughts. I decide to give it a try for the first time. I click on my camera and start talking to myself. At first it felt silly but then I got to talk about how much I love my Son. I would do anything for him, including pleasing him better than anyone ever will. I tell my video log all about this idea I have of laying with my son and feeling him get hard for his Mommy. I think my therapist's idea worked better than I thought it would. I have even been thinking of playing with myself during the video logs.. hmm we shall see if I become brave enough.