February is for gooners. On the cold, dark days of this month, you'll keep yourself warm by pumping your hand endlessly, up and down your cock. No dating. No pussy. No socializing, except with your hand -- and you'll be doing a LOT of that. You're going to be a total jerk off zombie for me. You will eat, słeep, stroke, and repeat, compulsively masturbating the month away. Your jerk-bot initiation begins NOW. Welcome to GOON-uary!