I’m so glad that you saw Andrea on my Facebook and started talking to her. She has a great…personality. Even though I had a bit of a crush on her, I’m coming over to help you get ready. You’re such a nervous wreck that I make you a cocktail to calm you down, but it goes right to your head. In fact, you start to wonder exactly what was in that beverage.
But before you can voice your concerns, Andrea shows up. But as we’re standing there making small talk, she notices that you wet your pants! Are you kidding? Andrea freaks out and refuses to go out with you. You had reservations for French Laundry, but she just can’t be seen with you now.
How lucky for you that I was going to babysit after this and I happen to have a diaper on me. I get you cleaned up, but we’re pretty sure that the restaurant won’t let you in if you’re wearing just a diaper. We decide to just take your credit card and go on the date ourselves. Andrea is too disgusted to even deal with you—and you will not be getting a second chance. You’re too embarrassed to even get an erection in front of us.
I decide that you’re in no state to drive home, so I leave you with a bottle and a bib until I get back. You’re to wait for me to get back, knowing that Andrea and I are going to be out to dinner, laughing at you, talking about how ridiculous you are in your diaper and whether or not it’s wet!
(Psst! Now that I’ve got you changed I can let you in on a little secret: That extra ingredient that I put in your cocktail was a powerful diuretic. So thanks for the date, buddy! You were so easy to manipulate. You’re going to be my little diaper bait-and-switch from now on