“Hi honey…my husband. Good morning. You must be watching this and wondering where I am…the night after our wedding. I’m out eating. And it’s not that healthy food you wanted me to eat. Remember when we were dating, and then you proposed and said you wanted us to get healthy together? I agreed…but only to get this ring. Don’t act shocked. You knew what you got into when you put this ring on my finger. How fat I am. What I like to eat. You already love my body - you wanted to marry me. So this is what you get. And now that I have you, I don’t need to work out or eat salads. I get to eat what I want, everything that I want. And you, my dear husband…will provide it all for me. Pampering me, feeding me and helping me grow. You married me. Now do your part. You’re going to make me so fat and happy. I’ll be back after I’m done pigging out at the nearest fast food place…why don’t you go to the store and get me some of my favorite junk foods while you wait. See you soon, honey.”