Girlfriend? You? Please! You and I both know that's never gonna happen, not in a million years, not with how wimpy and pathetic you are. Not with how unsatisfying that needy little dick you have is. There's no way in hell anyone would want to date you... but I guess you are going home for the holidays so your friends are gonna be asking... what are you gonna say? that you're pathetically single forever? Or we could hallmark card this thing and I could be your girlfriend! I would so do that for you... don't be suspicious... there's just one catch...