Just because you're a loser doesn't mean you can't strive to be the best. I know exactly how to mold you into the perfect, pathetic, pussyfree loser and it all starts with just a few basic changes to your life. First, you need to worship me above all others. Then, we need to get rid of the people in your life who might tell you that being a loser is a bad thing. The final, and most important, transformation is my favorite... you'll see!
