Honey! You are making me fat! All these dinners you keep cooking for me, I told you not to use so much butter. Now look what you've done! These brand new jeans you bought me are already too tight! I can barely get them on!
It's all your fault for taking me out all the time! Buying me champagne and wine! And so many fancy dinners! But now its all catching up with me! Look at these love handles! This pudgy belly! Look what happens when I lean over, I have belly rolls!
I had better put on a bikini and assess the damage you've done. Oh my! Look at this chub! Look at it! I can't go to the pool now. *pouts
Honey, I really need to start a diet. Tomorrow. Right now I feel too upset. Will you get me some wine and a little plate of nachos to make me feel better? Thanks honey, you always take care of me! XOXO