I wanted to tell this to you myself, not because honesty is the best policy but because I would’ve been really upset if someone got to you first and I wasn’t able to see the stupid look on your face when you heard the news. I’m fucking someone else. And he’s everything you’re not. Now don’t be so shocked, it’s been pretty obvious that you do nothing for me sexually and I owe it to myself to find someone better who can fuck me the way I need to be fucked. And let me tell you about all these ways we’ve fucked