It’s almost Halloween, which means we need to talk about costumes. I know you didn’t like me dressing you up in previous years, so this year I’ve got a costume idea that’s much more low maintenance—a pig! It’s simple, see. Because all you really need to do to be a pig is, well, be fat. And you, my chubby boyfriend, are already over halfway there! You just need to gain a little bit weight. You don’t have much time to do it in, though, so you’re going to need to get eating, stuffing your face just like a real pig shoving his snout in a trough. Fortunately, it’s the perfect time of year for fattening you up. All this candy…you’ll be waddling like a good piggy in no time