The North Pole has seen a sharp increase in naughtiness the past few years, and to combat the uptick, Santa has sent out elves to deliver harsher punishments more directly. I am once such elf, and you are one such punished. The source of your naughtiness? Stealing and sneaking food, which have caused you to pack on about seventy pounds in the past year---fifty in the past six months! To teach you a lesson about overindulgence, I've hooked you up to a machine called the Nog Logger, which pumps a special egg nog down your throat that causes massive, rapid weight gain. You let out muffled cries of protest as your body swells and clothes tear, but don't worry: the weight gain is temporary, and you'll return to your regular size in two or three days. Until then, however, you'll be a helpless, lard-filled blubber ball, too fat to speak nor move---which gives you plenty of time to think about what you've done.
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