I could have been anything I wanted, a model, an actress, I could have even been president of the United States of America. But, I decided to become a nun. Not because I love God, or because I wanted to help people. I became a nun because one day I told my father I wanted to be a fashion designer and he pacified me. "That's nice, sweetheart" he said, without really paying any attention at all. I like attention. So, I told him the next day that I wanted to become a nun. That got his attention! He laughed and told me I could never be a nun because I don't have one unselfish bone in my body. Just to prove him wrong, I did just that. I went to the convent and I gave up my life. No sex, no fun.... or so they think!
One day, just as all the Catholic freaks predicted, the rapture happened. All the meek and innocent people ascended to heaven. But, all the priests, the nuns, and even mother superior remained, including yours truly. I asked Father why we hadn't been taken to heaven, after all we are the wives and the hands of the Lord. Father explained to me that we would all stand at the pearly gates and the baptist would cleanse us in his river of righteousness before we could proceed to paradise.
OKay. So, the day comes and there I am standing, bored out of my mind, waiting my turn. One by one, the nuns are dipped into the glorious river and allowed into the gates of Heaven. Then it's my turn. John the Baptist looks at me and he says NO.
"you are not pure, you are not holy, and I cannot wash clean your sins"
fucking cunt. Well, I put 150% into everything I do, and if my Daddy couldn't tell me no, neither can this pasty fuck. Just look what happened to John the Baptist for denying me. I cut off his head. I placed a pink ball gag in his mouth because he is a sissy and he talks too much.
I may not have been invited to the rapture, I may not be worthy to enter the gates, but I can rule this unfair world with my evil ways and wiles