Welcome to the ultimate masterclass, where the only lesson you need is how to be utterly and irrevocably obsessed with me, Nicolette Neptune – your Goddess extraordinaire! In this not-so-serious, definitely-NSFW guide, watch as I turn a grown man into a blubbering, cash-spraying, screen-staring simp with nothing but my divine presence and a few cheeky winks. Join me as I take you through the do's and don'ts of simp worship, including: How to spend your entire paycheck on tributes without even realizing it. The art of staring at my photos until your eyes cross and your wallet opens. Advanced techniques in gooning, where your hands do the walking... straight to your credit card. Remember, simps, this is a judgment-free zone where drooling is encouraged, and the only prerequisite is a deep, undying love for curves that could make a grown man weep. So, grab your wallets and your... well, just your wallets, and prepare for a wild ride as I show you what it means to be completely under my spell. And don't forget, the more you watch, the more you'll spend – it's science! Or at least it should be.
