While we wait for your wife to get home, I have a little confession for you. You see, she and I dated for a while in college and I know her well enough to know when she's not getting the ~attention~ she deserves, if you know what I mean. You're not the biggest guy around (yes, she tells me everything), so maybe it would be best if I took her off your hands for a little while. I'm sure I could please her better than you can