‌

You come to talk to me, your lifelong friend, because you are depressed due to your recent divorce. You’ve always been interested in me, but I’ve kept you at arm’s length because I’m not attracted to you. But now that you need help, I have an idea. Instead of doing anything drastic, why don’t you commit yourself to being my boyfriend’s slave? He’s always wanted one and it would give you a sense of purpose. So what, he hates you? It’ll be fine. You’ll have to do a lot of disgusting stuff like taking care of his feet, being his personal toilet, and eating whatever gross stuff he wants you to. It’s still better than where you are now. We’ll get a contract drawn up so you can sign soon.