I'm always finding new little ways to make you work for your life, aren't I? Little humiliations here and there, tasks that are near impossible for you because you're so tiny and I'm so huge. It brings me joy to watch you struggle. That's why when I returned home from my jog today all sweaty and dirty and smelly, I knew I didn't want a shower. I wanted you to clean me. With your tongue!  Better get to work, it's gonna be a long night.