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It’s one of my many duties to prepare you for the future. Your future is dismal at best. Your small, almost nonexistent, penis has set you up for a life of disappointment, rejection and ridicule. No woman will ever have sex with you. You’re destined to be a perpetual virgin. To make you fully grasp the severity of the situation I’ve invited a friend over to demonstrate all of the ways you will never satisfy a woman. Remember, this is an act of love.