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I know gifts should be kept secret, but I need your help with what I'm preparing for you. I gained several pounds during the first 11 months of the year... My Christmas gift to you will be to gain the same amount in December alone. We're talking about a lot of calories to consume! Can you imagine?  The weight I gained in a year... in just one month. I'm definitely going to need your help, honey. My gift? Oh, don't waste money buying useless things! I don't need bags, jewelry, or anything else. Just give me more food. I only want to unwrap hamburgers and burritos under the tree.