Aww, baby, guess what? Your company actually asked you to play Santa at the Christmas party this year. Can you believe it? I mean, I always knew you had the perfect belly for it, but I guess everyone else noticed too! Remember when you used to be the star jock, all fit and toned? Now you’ve got that big, soft Santa belly—and honestly, I love it. You’ve been spoiling yourself (and me) all year, and it’s finally catching up with you, huh? I hope you’re ready to fill out that red suit for me, Santa—because I plan on keeping you even jollier (and rounder) for next year too.