Remember when you were my fit, athletic boyfriend? The one who could run for miles, train all day, and then go to the game and win without even breaking a sweat? Now you can barely make it up a flight of stairs without getting all red-faced and winded. It would be kind of adorable if it weren't so pathetic. Those soft little man-tits are starting to fill out my hands so nicely. You've even got this cute little pooch straining your waistband now. If you're not careful, that tiny belly is going to swell up into a big, round, jiggly gut. We both know you won't be careful, don't we? You're just going to keep eating and keep getting fatter because you're my hopelessly greedy, soft, lazy, out-of-shape boyfriend.
