Baby, I just got back from my cold morning run and my stomach is NOT happy. I'm still in my tracksuit, parked on the couch, and the farts coming out of me are absolutely foul. Like, eyes-watering, nose-burning, make-you-gag stinky. I don't know what happened on that run but it woke up something nasty inside me. I'm just sitting there letting one nasty fart after another rip out of my fat ass. Long stinky farts. Sudden loud farts. Wet heavy farts that just linger and fill the whole room with my stink. My ass is jiggling with every single one and I can't stop thinking about how bad it smells. I'm wafting the stench towards you to get the full experience. You're welcome baby! The couch is basically a gas trap point and I'm just sitting here looking cute, farting like a beast, making the air completely unbreathable. Come get a whiff baby… but seriously, bring a gas mask.
