Sweety, I have to tell you something, and I need you to remain calm after I do. You know that we've been having problems in our marriage for a while now and we both know there's a lot of reasons for that. I've decided that it's just too much to overcome and I'm leaving you. Right on cue, there are the tears. Don't tell me I'm being mean. What kind of man says that? I don't know when you turned into such a big pussy but you were not like this when we got married. You were all tough and manly. You worked out, you played sports, you sure as hell didn't cry every time I was "mean" to you. You're pathetic. It's no wonder I fucked your best friend. Yeah, I've been fucking the guy you've been best friends with your whole life. You know why he fucks me? Because he says, and I quote, "it's not right that a hot woman has to have sex with such a whiny bitch." Look at you, crying even harder. Let me guess: your little dick is hard, isn't it? You know when I decided to start fucking your bestie? It was right after a big fight about six months ago, you remember the one. I spent about fifteen minutes telling you how pathetic you are and what a loser you've become and what did you do? You went and jerked off, while crying, right after. Yeah, I saw that. It was then that I knew that I had broke you. You were actually getting turned on while I emotionally devastated you. So I went out and fucked a man who isn't a blubbering, sobbing bitch that night. It was the best decision I ever made. I'll tell you what. For old times sake I'll let you take your pathetic little penis out and stroke it, loser, while I tell you how big your buddy's dick is. You can tug on your tiny guy while I tell you about all the crazy sex we're going to be having for the rest our lives together. That's right, I'm leaving here, tonight and going straight to his house to live happily ever after