When I said yes to our first date, my motivation was a mixture of pity and cruel amusement. I had a low opinion of you as a potential boyfriend, and after a few days, that opinion has lowered even more. You’re not just a poor excuse for a boyfriend; you’re a poor excuse for a man. You’re worthless. Oh, am I making you sad? Are you going to cry? Maybe you should put on a diaper if you’re going to act like a little boy.