My ass could make you do anything. I could make you go broke, I could steal your soul, and I bet you'd be willing to swear off sex for life for the opportunity to serve My greed eternally. You're a loser and you don't deserve sex, even if you were lucky enough to have an opportunity. The idea of having a sex life is just getting in the way. Instead, I'm going to give you an opportunity to swear off sex for good, so that you can serve My plump greedy ass for eternity.