Hey, little hand-humper. I know you jerk off allllll the time. So today I’m not going to let you touch it. No. Today you’re going to hump your pillow exactly how I instruct you to. You’re going to be my little pillow humping loser…doing exactly as I say as I laugh at you. The closest you’ll ever get to fucking me (or a hot girl like me) is by pretending when you hump your pillow. Happy humping!