I heard that your doctor told you to go on a diet. You don't need that!! If you need a diet, it's going to be one I prescribe! I found all the new health foods you bought, like zero sugar drinks, and I threw them away for you! I've stocked your cabinets with tasty treats full of sugar, fats, salts, all the good stuff! Your doctor doesn't care if you're miserable, which I know you would be on their silly diet! I'll make sure you eat everything you love and plenty of it. The diet I give you will make you happy! You love to eat! I know you love my big belly, my big curves- you need to have them too! You're going to gain weight, not lose. You'll be happy and fat! Living your best life. I'll fed you myself if I must, but you're gonna be bigger than me when I'm done with you!