I’ve been so busy going to parties, gigs and seeing friends that I haven’t had sex in ages. This might be longest I’ve ever gone without sex. It’s been almost 2 weeks! I’m calling my friend Kelly to talk about how frustrated I am and how I’ll have to hook up with one of the guys that have been messaging me on Tinder. Oh, maybe it’s a bit insensitive for me to complain. Most of you don’t look like you’ve EVER had sex. Kelly tells me it’s probably because you’re ugly little freaks. Which is a bit mean, isn’t it? She’s right though. By the way, wait till you hear our idea for how you can entertain us later.