Depraved toilet piggy. You want nothing more than to taste me after I've used the bathroom. You're desperate for even a hint of my most exclusive flavors, but I don't think you deserve to lick me clean. I've thought up a way for you to prove your worth. You'll stand by with a glass of water ready to sip and spit out, polishing me like a bidet. Why would I buy a bidet when I've got a desperate toilet slave eager to do the work?