It’s a sweet gesture, sure, getting down on one knee and professing your love to me. You opened your heart to me, hopeful that I would return the sentiment and agree to take your hand in marriage. But let’s be real, you can’t get a girl like me. This ring is useless, except for making a quick buck at the pawn shop. No, you don’t get to make some creepy, legal claim to me with marriage. I have no interest in being owned by a man, especially you. If you want to legally declare your love to me, then you can put me in your will, make me the sole beneficiary of your assets, etc. Don’t worry, I’m not casting you out of my life. You can go about as my servant, worshipping and pleasing me as I see fit. You couldn’t give me up if you tried, so I know that getting rid of this pretty ring you saved up for won’t deter you. You’re head over heels for me, and you’ll never stop trying to win me over, even though you know it’s useless. You’ll always be below me, begging for a chance.